Saturday 24 January 2015

Chapter 2: Brother

Two and a half years after I came into this world my younger brother Michael was born. Michael and I have been different from each other from as far back as I can remember. We were raised in a similar environment except that, as first born, my parents were a lot harder on me! J Certainly the way we are nurtured plays a large part in developing our personality, but we are also each born with a particular nature.   

Michael and I played together more in our younger years than our older ones. We grew up on an acreage where we regularly biked the three kilometers from our house into the little town of Rolly View. According to the 2005 Leduc County’s municipal census, the population of Rolly View is now 58. Back when we were kids the population was much larger, probably around 80!

My brother and I would bike around the town collecting empty bottles which we would take to the only convenience store where we could exchange them for money to buy candy. The best time to go on these runs was right after a weekend baseball tournament. The number of beer bottles left under the bleachers brought in a good haul of candy.

Michael (L) and Stef (R) with their paternal grandfather
I remember our mom regularly going into the Rolly View store and, after having her purchases rung up, telling the clerk to, “Put it on my tab.” I thought this was some magical incantation that allowed you to get free stuff. So the next time I was in the store I grabbed a box of army men, took it to the till and said, “Put it on my tab.” I actually walked out of there with those army men. A few weeks later mom had to pay her tab. It was then she noticed the purchase of the army men and confronted me on it. I explained to her what I did (I wasn’t trying to steal or be dishonest) and after she explained to me how a “tab” works, she planted the first seed that would grow me into a sceptical person. Money that comes out of an ATM machine is not free. You haven’t won anything when you get a call saying you’ve won a home security system. People in Africa aren’t losing multimillionaire relatives who want to send you their money. And just because someone tells you “the Bible says it” doesn’t mean it’s true. I’ve never shaken this skepticism. My first reaction to any miracle claim, dream, trip to heaven, new revelation, statistic or anything too one sided is to question it. “Unless I touch the holes in his hands I will not believe!” That said, I am certainly committed to Jesus Christ, but let’s not jump too far ahead in my story.   

My dad, brother, and I built a two story tree house on our acreage, complete with a lookout tower. I think that it was in this tree house where my brother kissed his first girl. (My first kiss was with Shawna in grade eight. It happened in the middle of a soccer field after the team went home and we were waiting for our parents to pick us up. It was good! I’m glad our parents were late).

I also remember stepping on a nail while building that tree fort and hopping all the way back to the house to close up the wound. On our acreage we also constructed a couple of tepees, tire swings, obstacle courses and a very rough golf course.

My brother and I played a lot on our trampoline. This was before the days of protective walls around them and pads over the springs. With our trampoline, everything was exposed. This didn’t stop us from pushing it next the garage, running the sprinkler under it and climbing onto the roof to jump off on to it. We got some pretty good air. We also found four trees that were perfectly situated in which we could put the trampoline in the middle, wrap ropes around them, and make our own wrestling ring.

As the older brother I often manipulated my younger brother into making some poor trades with our toys. “I’ll give you these old washers that look like ancient money if you’ll give me your Lego.” With the smooth talk (and dirty tactics) of a prosperity preacher, I could convince my brother that he was getting the better deal. I feel bad about some of those negotiations today - kind-of.  

By the time my brother and I were in Junior High we went our separate ways. I was into sports and music and he was into computers and video games. In school my best subjects were Gym and English and his best subjects were Math and Physics, although he still did better than me in English! In High School my brother received honors and scholarships for University, in which he pursued a Bachelor of Science in physics and then went on to become a radiation therapist. I was just happy that I passed high school and was able to maintain straight “A’s” in Physical Education. 

One thing I appreciated about my brother was that he was not ashamed to take a stand for his faith in our small country school in New Sarepta. Although I tried not to associate with him during Junior High and High School, because I thought I was too cool for him, I did admire how he took his faith seriously.

My brother and I had a few violent disagreements. I remember running through the woods once as my irritated brother shot a bow and arrow at me. I don’t remember what I did. Maybe he finally realized that he got the bad end of the deal with the Lego a few years earlier.


My brother is currently married and living in Leduc, AB. He works as a radiation therapist in Edmonton at the Cross Cancer clinic. He and his wife have three kids, two boys and a girl, each a little bit older than my own. His wife is currently homeschooling them.    


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7 comments:

  1. I am the youngest of five children and that is actually nice because even now that I am almost one hundred years old (with little exaggeration) my siblings still think of me as “the baby”.

    My brother Gerardo is eleven years older than me and my fist memories of him are of a teenager always in trouble with my parents. I remember my mother in the high hours of the night waiting by the window to see my brother come home drunk, from one party or another. At a very tender age my brother, the only boy of the five, became an alcoholic. When he was nineteen years old he married his high school sweet heart and about six month later they had their first baby. I grew up knowing of my brother, in reality he was a shadow, a stranger, a tear in my mother’s eyes.

    Gerardo was a hard working man that never found a straight way home from work, but always detoured to a bar thus the evenings turned into nights before he would reach home. That way he wasted forty years of his life.

    I was in Canada already for many years, when I received the sad news that my brother was dying of cirrhosis of the liver. I was then part of a very charismatic prayer group within the Southern Baptist church I belonged .We had weakly (almost clandestine) prayer meetings because some people in the group spoke in tongues ,imagine how a Baptist church would react to that…

    But was in one of those meetings that I shared the news of my brother’s serious illness and asked for prayer. We did pray for weeks not only that God will heal him but that God will remove the need for alcohol. One day I got the news that my brother had been released from the hospital and was slowly recuperating at home, that was almost thirty years ago.
    Every time I think of my brother and his healing, my thought goes to that prayer meeting even more to a specific day and the specific words that were prayed. I don’t doubt that God worked a miracle in my brother’s life. He just celebrated thirty years of sobriety.

    I always had a longing to get to know my brother, in my sporadic visits to South America I visited his house and we talked about the things good acquaintances talk. We always ended up sharing about that which we had in common and that was the love for our parents and siblings, but sadly enough he was still a stranger.

    Little more that a year ago I received another news from my brother, he was coming to visit me! One Sunday morning this past summer, Vancouver airport opened its international arrivals doors and I saw a man resembling very much my father coming toward me. Tears, hugs, laughter and new emotions filled that day. Having my brother visiting me, having the opportunity to get to know him was a dream come true. In the month he was here we spent hours talking; he brought some of the missing pieces of my memories and helped me to put it all together. One of the most touching things he said to me was “I wanted you to know the man I have become after all the lost years” It was a glorious month of forgiveness, nurturing the brother-sister relationship that because of the age difference and the circumstances of life never had a chance, to be.
    Some times it takes us a whole life to get things right and some times, God gives us a moment that encompasses all the right things of life.

    Following there is a translated fragment of a poem I wrote for him.

    In the spinning wheel of time
    we weaved words,
    memories, laughter and tears.
    Little by little
    I came to see more of your soul.
    Brother, you that were lost,
    you have the story of a sparrow
    with the destiny of an eagle.
    Brother, you, repented prodigal
    that finally came home.
    You are the hero that rewrote
    his own fable.
    You are courage that walks
    in shoes of humility.
    Brother, your blood sings
    the inherent song
    that makes us kindred.
    Together we built bridges
    over ancient waters
    and we rescued the affection
    that makes us siblings.
    In the spinning wheel of time,
    we weaved a new dialog,
    memories, laughter and tears
    and I am so glad we did…

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  2. I come from a small family consisting of just my Mom and my older sister. Our Dad had left our family shortly after I was born and my mom was forced into the position of sole provider for a very young family.
    My sister and I are 21 months apart and obviously I have not known life without her. I was a very, very, very shy child and my sister was totally the opposite of me. She was outgoing, charismatic, energetic and simply put, an easy child to love. I was skeptical, quiet, and, did I mention, shy. I would hide behind my sisters outgoing personality and let her take control of all situations that required me to simply answer a question or speak.
    I have admired and looked up to my sister all my life. She has always been there for me and we are best friends forever. God has blessed us with a very unique, loving, and honest relationship. We are accountable to one another on many levels, but the most important being our spiritual accountability. We really enjoy talking about what God is doing and has done in our lives and remind one another to continually count our blessings, one of which is having each other.
    We have memories that only her and I can recall and talk about. The love we have for each other is truly unconditional and always forgiving. This relationship in turn has shown me how to forgive quickly and love unconditionally. We have a relationship that makes us encourage one another to look at the positive and not dwell on the negative. This helps us reflect on how good God is and reminds us of how the joy of the Lord is our strength.
    She has encouraged me to be the person God has intended me to be. Many people compare her and I – the outgoing one, and the quiet one. She has always come to my defense and encouraged me that God has made me who I am, and God has made her who she is. We are unique and special in God’s eyes just the way we are.
    I cannot imagine my life without my “Schwester” (german for sister), my best girlfriend, my inspiration, my encourager…..,my biggest fan (even my kids say that). She’s a piece of me and she will always be my big sister that I look up to. Everyday I’m so thankful and grateful to God for her and the influence she is on my life.

    “For happy times shared through the years,
    For the loyalty, love, the laughter and tears
    For the special things only you can do,
    For all of these,
    I thank you.”

    Rhoda Strelau
    (Rhoda’s Sister – Cora Schmidke)

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    Replies
    1. Cora will be crying for sure!!

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  3. I'm the oldest of four children - a sister (Mona) 15 months my junior, a brother (Mike) four years younger than me and a sister (Amy) 12 years younger than me.

    Like Pastor Stef, I was the one who had the harder discipline in the family, always expected to be the good example. My earliest memories are from really young, when I was probably almost four. My brother was not yet born and I remember Mom taking my sister and I for walks - me on a leash and Mona in the buggy. Mom tells me that people would always ask her why she was carrying me (when I got tired), because I was very tall for my age and they knew it was a lot of work for her with my sister and me, and her pregnant. I also remember when Mom went into the hospital to have my brother. The hospital was up this steep hill in Kimberley and it was not long after that that my dad was driving up that hill and I fell out of the car (no serious injuries!)! Thank goodness we now have seat belts!

    I would have to say that I have been closest to my youngest sister, Amy, because she was born when I was at that age that I was starting to look at babysitting, and enjoyed playing with her like she was my own. Mona and Mike were always close to one another, with similar interests. They both joined Army Cadets, and went away to camp in the summer, as well as played together often. This worked well with my interest in Amy. We spent lots of time together, playing and having fun. She is a gentle person, with a wild imagination. The only time we ever had any trouble was when she was about one, she was playing with one of her toys and I was lying on the floor beside her. She picked up this toy (which was a hard plastic bear with a roller ball in the bottom) and slammed it down on my nose, which broke!

    Because I was babysitting, I also had a bit of money once in a while, so I would buy her little things. One of the favourite things I did, when she was about six, was to get pictures taken with her and myself. I cherish those pictures, even today. I didn't have a very strong self-image back then, and having the opportunity to get unconditional love from my little sister was a very important thing for me, I think, and one way that God helped me through my teen years.

    Amy and I are still close. She is a talented musician, and always jams with my brother, who lives near her in Vernon. They are both self taught on many instruments, including the mandolin! I envy their talent for sure!

    One of the things I'm most excited about right now is that Amy's second born son, Mykl, is coming to live with Temi and me next week so that he can play lacrosse down here this spring. I feel so blessed that she is trusting me with Mykl, and feel like it is an extension of our relationship that I'm really looking forward to.

    Trina

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  4. It all started on May 21st, 1964... when my sister, Rhoda was born. I was only 21 months old when Rhoda was born. I didn't know back then that this date was going to be a great significance in my life.
    Growing up together was absolutely wonderful! I never felt alone, Rhoda was always there. As I shared previously in this blog, our family consisted of my mom, Erika, my sister, Rhoda and me. When I think about life without Rhoda, I get all choked up. (what a surprise!) For the past 50 years and 260 days, I have had Rhoda. I just can't imagine life without my sister... We only live 7 minutes away from each other, see each other daily or talk on the phone. It has not been uncommon for both of us to go shopping separately and have purchased the exact same item in clothing, craft ideas or house decor.
    We have done German school together, swimming lessons, band, orchestra, got married the same year, all of this together! We have also been there when we each delivered our first child. When I do reflect on the past memories with Rhoda, my mind is flooded with many. One that always sticks out is when I have said something or done something really funny when Rhoda is around to hear or see. Rhoda will try to hold back her reaction. Not because it isn't funny, it is just then I will go wild! It just shows you that her reaction is the most important to me.
    When you are a big sister, it's your job to teach your little sister everything. I never thought about what my little sister could teach me... until she showed me, in her walk with the Lord. You see, Rhoda did that first. When we were in our early twenties, things were a lot different. Rhoda walked with the Lord and I just didn't. I can say looking back that, that was the most distance we had in our relationship ever! Rhoda never preached to me, she would walk with me, she would pray for me, and love me. Her prayers worked!!! I did become a Christian and now I know I will never live without my sister again... Here on earth or eternity with our Lord and Saviour.
    It turns out that two sisters married two cousins!!! Yup, Rhoda married Glenn and I married Gordon. Our families have done so many things together, the list could go on and on. In more recent years we have had the privilege of working together on many projects here at church. It is always so great to work with Rhoda as we can just be ourselves with one another. At this stage in our lives, it really doesn't matter who is first with life's celebrations, it just matters that we can celebrate with each other and be truly happy for one another in those celebrations.
    In a few months time we are going to be celebrating another "First" for the two of us. Kayla, Rhoda's daughter will be getting married to a wonderful Godly man, Travis. This will be yet another celebration together and I can hardly wait!
    Thank you God for the worlds greatest sister on the planet... my sister Rhoda

    Cora Schmidke
    (Cora's sister, Rhoda Strelau)

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  5. My brother is 3 years younger than me. When my mom was pregnant, she told me that if it was a girl, her name would be Stephanie, and if it was a boy, Paul. In my young mind, Paul was impossible because I wanted a sister! It must be Stephanie! I remember staying with my Oma when my mom was in labour, and when she got the call that Paul had arrived I argued with her that the baby was a girl, not a boy! As soon as I met him in the hospital, my mind changed... I had eyes only for Paul. Stephanie was a thing of the past.
    Growing up, I didn't really miss having a sister. Stubbornness certainly runs in the Schmidke clan, and I figured that if I had a sister, we would make each other miserable, steal each other’s clothes, or have to share a room. A brother just didn’t pose the same threats, and so I was more than happy to just have Paul. He and I would play together, whether it was my toys or his. Sometimes I feel bad for him, because from a young age I had 'teaching tendencies' and would make him play school with me on the weekends. Sometimes he would escape and ask mom to save him!
    It was only when we got older and started growing apart in high school that I wanted a sister. Many of my friends have great relationships with their sisters. But Paul and I (for the most part) got along and still do. There have been some epic fights along the way, but I love knowing that my little brother has my back. When I dated the wrong guys, he would get so protective of me, even if we weren’t getting along that day! I’m thankful that he cares for me even when we don’t see eye to eye. We get along really well now that we don't live at home together :)
    Even when I volunteered at youth, I saw how those girls loved their sisters and I craved that more than I did in my teen years. Little did I know that I would marry Sheldon, who has one sister who also wanted another sister! I am SO thankful for my sister in law Shelby – we get along so well and I love spending time with her. Now I have the best of both worlds – a brother who I get along with, and a sister who doesn’t steal my clothes!

    Amanda Stevenson

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  6. On July 7, 1961, the day before our Dad passed away, he wrote down the names of his brothers and sisters in the Soviet Union. An obvious oversight was his first born, Slava. At the time, Dad thought it best that we not know about each other. Now that it was known that we had an older brother, we thought it would be our Dad’s wishes to support him through our prayers and financial resources.

    My half-brother, Slava Steblin, arrived at the Vancouver airport in 2001 to meet his siblings for the first time. It was almost like my Dad was coming back from the dead as this 64 year old man that only spoke Russian stepped off the plane.

    His 3 goals were to, meet his siblings, visit his father’s grave and fly on the Concord. 2 out of 3 - not bad!

    During his 2 years in Canada, he quit smoking and learned English after which he returned to Moldova to rejoin his wife. I had the privilege to visit him and his wife in Moldova and the Ukraine in 2005. I only saw him cry twice. Once at our Father’s grave and again while seeing me off at the Kiev airport. He was very knowledgeable and quite pragmatic. I will never forget the moment that he broke down and with tears in his eyes he said “I am afraid this will be the last time I see you”. Unfortunately before a return visit could be organized, he passed away in 2008.

    When we meet our earthly Father in heaven, we think he will be very proud of the effort and support we have shown and will be extremely excited about having his family re-united.

    Gord

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